Me

This is a scary post, ha ha!  I'm putting it out there.  I had my first weigh in for the Biggest Loser contest of Valley Center on Friday.  It was a bit depressing, not because I didn't know what the scale would say, it was no surprise.  I know how much I weigh but to have others see it was a bit humiliating. :( When Jason and I first got together, I was a poor college student in Manhattan, I lived on cereal and fruit.  I spent my time at school, work, or the gym, never at home.  I weighed 130 pounds and loved it.  Most of the time I could honestly say I felt---pretty.  I often catch myself saying, I would give anything to feel that again, but do I, no.  I don't give much of anything, I exercise and I watch what I eat (some of what I eat) but in the end it doesn't seem to get me anywhere.  I enjoy spending the evenings playing with Jaxson and then once he is in bed, sitting on the sofa and scrapping, editing photos, sewing, snuggling with my husband, or working on something to make my teaching memorable for my students.  These are things I love to do, I don't want to give them up, I don't want to change how my life is in order to make this part of me different.  But, with the exception of Jaxson and Jason, these things I love do not love me in return.  I exercise almost every day, I am in a walking club at school with co-workers, I do exercise videos, I play with Jaxson...  There is rarely a day where I get no exercise but because of the amount of time I do sit, it is counterproductive.  So inorder to not get too depressed, I have to pat myself on the back for the little things.  So here we go!  Little thing number 1, ha ha!  Since weighing 130 pounds, I gained an average of 10 pounds a year for the first 6 years a majority of it coming the year after getting married, yikes, but in the past almost 4 years I haven't gained a pound.  This was the exact same weight when Quinci, Heather, and I began spending so much time at the gym in Topeka.  I have had a child, moved, went through the interview process, started a new job, lived without my husband for 9 months, lost a child, was on hormone therapy and I didn't gain a single pound.  That's pretty amazing!  The having Jaxson part definitely made the same amount look like a lot more, ha ha, but I think this says a lot about the amount that I do work out and watch what I eat.  I've been able to maintain my weight through some challenging times.  So I'm ready to move on to a new goal.  To make my new 196 look like my old 196!  We bought a treadmill this weekend, it's a pretty nice one, I'm excited.  Tonight's agenda is Biggest Loser Couples and watching Jason play the Wii while I walk.  We will see what Friday's weigh-in brings, I have to pay a dollar for every pound I gain, yikes!  But I'm not scared, I trust myself to not gain any weight because that's one goal I've mastered! Yay! :)

As soon as I can get the memory stick out of our phones and download photos I'll post again, next post will be K-State basketball!